Life Is A Dumpster Fire

It has become common to use the terms “red flag” and “green flag” to describe someone’s qualities, particularly when developing romantic connections. According to Merriam-Webster, the term “red flag” was first used in 1748 and meant “a warning signal or sign” or “something that indicates or draws attention to a problem, danger, or irregularity.”

Dating now comes with a mental scale used to weigh a list of attributes that we’ve labeled either red or green, each with varying degrees of significance. As relationships progress, the weight of a trait can increase or decrease, and the balance can tip in either direction.

The five key factors that have been important to me in a relationship are:

• Effective communication.
• Personal satisfaction.
• Shared belief systems.
• Good mental and physical health.
• A passionate connection with my partner.

However, reflecting on my past relationships, I’ve realized that I’ve placed too much emphasis on just one of these factors – having a passionate lover. This resulted in a lack of other fundamental components. After the honeymoon phase diminished and the relationship was no longer bathed in oxytocin and dopamine, I would start feeling like something was missing. This would eventually lead to both of us feeling unfulfilled, which makes it challenging to continue to connect sexually. I believe that if my relationships keep ending the same way, or if my partner resembles previous ones, then the common factor is me. However, the challenge now is to break this pattern.